Telling others

"So many people I think go through treatment really quickly and don't feel comfortable ... it makes it difficult  to speak openly about it.Then they can't tell their kids, their family,their friends. It's all got to do with the very beginning - just accepting what's happened and finding a place for it".  Angie & Greg

It is important for you to have some support. Consider sharing your situation with close family and friends who are important to you and will be important to your child as they grow older. Feedback from parents who have confided in loved ones is that their reactions are usually positive, understanding and supportive of their decision to use a donor or surrogate.

It is common for questions to be raised about how your family was created - particularly for single or same-sex parents, but also for couples who have used a surrogate. Questions may come from immediate or extended families or from people in the broader community. Often these questions arise out of curiosity and are asked in an appropriate and respectful way and it is easy to respond openly and positively. Sometimes you may have to deal with questions that are inappropriate or intrusive and which make you feel uncomfortable or judged.


As your child grows older they will notice how you discuss this issue with others. Your approach will be guiding them in how they might discuss this with their friends. If you are describing their situation in a positive way, with a sense of pride, this is the message that will be conveyed to them. In time they too will describe their beginning to others in the same positive way and it will no longer be your story: it will be theirs.