A life-long secret is a great burden. Secrets can also undermine the trust and stability in a family. Being secretive may indicate to others, especially to your child, that you are ashamed. Families are created in many ways and being open may help your child to feel more comfortable about the way they were conceived.
Talking to young adults about their conception: Barbara's story
Experiences of donor conception: Chantelle's story
Secrets have a tendency to come out in ways that you often have the least control over. Finding out under those circumstances can cause the issue to be clouded with an impression of betrayal and deceit, even if that was never the intention. It is crucial that this information comes from the parents of a donor-conceived child or adult. Finding out from another party can be devastating.
Experiences of donor conception: Louise's story
Neither should your child be in the position of guessing the information or finding out when they apply for their birth certificate as an adult.
In Victoria, children conceived from donor treatment since 2010 will receive an addendum when they apply for their birth certificate as adults. This will inform them that more information is available about their birth. This means that they are likely to find out they are donor-conceived through this mechanism if they do not already know.