Questions about the donor/surrogate

"I've always been serious to find out more about who my donor was. I used to wonder.... you know, what he looked like. Did he look like me?" Riley

Children, and especially teenagers, often question:

  • Who am I?
  • Where did I come from?
  • Do I have anything in common with my donor or surrogate?
  • For those who do not already know their donor or surrogate: would I like them?
  • Why did they (the donor/surrogate) want to help make me?

If children have not already met their donor/surrogate, they may wonder what they might be like. This is normal and healthy and does not undermine your role as their parents in any way. You may be curious too. Answer questions as honestly as you can. While it is important to talk about your donor or surrogate with high regard, don't overdo it either - your child may then have unrealistic expectations of their donor or surrogate. Share with your child the information you have available. Support them in applying to the donor registers (if in Victoria) or your treating clinic to find out more information.

Meeting your donor / donor-conceived person: Roger & Riley's story

"How did I get in there": Brin's story

Single mother's perspective using sperm donation to become a family: Anna's story 

Tip

Remember your donor or surrogate wanted you to have this child and has no legal rights or responsibilities to parent your child. That is your job. They do not want to take your child away from you and often have their own children. Most are very happy to assist you and are clear about their role. Donor and surrogates are usually curious as to how the child is and whether they are happy and healthy. It usually gives them a great feeling of satisfaction to know the child is thriving and well loved.